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(A fair warning, most link in today’s post are likely not safe for work…)

Manowar.  The name of a band uncompromising.  They’ve been metalling since 1980 with no end in sight.  For them, the gods made heavy metal giving it a quasi-tangible guarantee that it is never going to die.  I have been following the lyrical musings of ManOwaR (note the appropriate capitalization) since I was first introduced to the power of their sword back in that innocent summer of 1995.  Since then, I’ve been to quite a few of their concerts and in one special metal occasion, even sang a few lines with lead singer, Eric Adams, at one such concert.  It was the culmination of my career as a fan of heavy metal.  As I looked onto the crowd I even saw Jesus nod his approval and throw up the horns.

Unlike lesser heavy metal bands, ManOwaR doesn’t sing about fantasy-dragon-maiden-magic.  No, they sing about heavy metal itself!  Unlike Metallica or their other contemporaries in the 80s and 90s, ManOwaR doesn’t pussy out and change their sound because it’s not trendy.  If you don’t like them, ManOwaR says "Fuck you!", they don’t need posers — they have Orson Welles, they have Christopher Lee.  Add to that a healthy(?) supply of leather, loin cloths, motorcycles, homoerotic album covers, and more boobies you can shake a guitar at and you can see why they call themselves the the Kings of Fucking Metal!  In bassist Joey DeMaio’s words:

“I didn’t change a bit during the years. I have fought for the fans and I have fought for Metal; every inch on my path. I have done this from the beginning of the band, and I will continue to do this till I die. And when I would have wanted to change, I would have done this already years ago. I wouldn’t had waited till now. But I also know I have to live with what they say about me – no matter if it’s good or bad. I have always accepted this.”

They are cheesy and they are unapologetic.  They rock, no, they’re metal.  This why "when other bands play, ManOwaR kill!"

Today, I received their latest album "Gods of War" and they have proven that they are metal incarnate, to a degree that they should probably avoid any chance encounter with a rust monster lest tragedy ensue.  The album is ENCASED IN METAL!  That’s right.  The album is encased in metal and weighs almost a full pound.  After employing the labor of your local blacksmith, you behold the black pleather-bound CD case baring only the name of the metal kings and their album.

For most people, this would be enough to prove that ManOwaR is fucking metal, but the loudest band in the world isn’t content with merely outmetalling the competition, they seek to completely destroy them.  Indeed, inside the black pleather-bound CD case you will find the liner notes.  The cover art for the notes depicts four half naked muscle men wearing swords and leather.  Naked buxom women clutch at their legs, apparently afraid to fall from the flying perch made of snakes all the while demons fly in the background.  No, I’m not making this up.

Again, that should be more than enough for anyone to realize the metallocity of ManOwaR but they have one last trick up their sleeves (well, they don’t wear sleeves, but you know what I mean): All the words in the liner notes are written in NORSE RUNES!  How much more metal can you get?

After all is said and done, how mindblowingly metal is this new album?  How loud?  How heavy?  Will it blow your speakers?

Actually no.  Compared to "Warriors of the World," this album is pretty weak.  I would go so far as calling it medium metal.  The only thing heavy about it, sadly, is the case.  It isn’t a bad album but it doesn’t deserve the heavy metal CD cover, the black pleader-bound CD case, the naked women, or even the Runes.  Some runes, sure, but not everything in runes.  These extras have built up an expectation that the content simply cannot meet.

Hopefully their next CD will be better.  I know I’m getting it.